A/N: I have always been fascinated by the soshi-pairing after a good friend of mine introduced it to me and she was so hooked with yulsic that I ended up to be one fan too... she has been writing about them over at soshified and was trying that challenge fic. She gave me one challenge (which was indeed a challenge) and so I took it... kinda took me a long time to finish though, cause this is my first-try on that kind of fan-service. This is not posted elsewhere... thanks tin-tin, missya!
yulsic is real...
the challenge theme: making history
Here...
now...
a million feet beneath the sky...
here...
now...
a thousand miles above the earth...
I cry,
I cry to you,
only to you...
because you will listen
quietly...
silently...
like you always do,
heed...
this is my prayer...
this is my wish...
my note...
our story....
NOTES TO THE WIND
Here I am, standing on top of the world with no one just you and me and I will tell you that secret that no one is allowed to know. You call me crazy taking every ease and grace with my steps as I try to recreate that dance we used to dance. The piny grass teased my soles and hurt my pain as you try to caress me or bend me or break me or take me.
My skin felt that tingle as you climbed higher up to my body-- pushing upwards that you crept up to my legs. More so, urging the white cotton dress to get out of your way into my body. You want me to submit to your desires. I know not but I tried to push you away as I glided on that uneven surface.
I can feel you in every inch of my being as if trying to possess me completely and pour out that longing pain to you. I don't know how you manage to take my every story when all of them are just murmurs and screams of pain... of love that I don't know where to put.
A wise woman once wrote, “Across the broad continent of a woman’s life falls the shadow of a sword.” And, I am traversing on that shadow now where it is indeed an ordeal to cross. But she, she was brave enough to get through only that I was unwilling to take her hand.
I am now on the place where nobody wants to be. To take my place. To be me.
“You know what is wrong with you?”
I recalled her saying with her eyes glaring with pain in an abysmal depth. Her tone was somewhere far from the sugar-coated voice they would describe it. Her face drew that icy princess she was famous of. She was that, just that. The more I should be worried of.
“You are lying to yourself the more you are lying to me...”
Her voice faded just like that. And you had taken over that silence between us. You embraced her when I could not and hated you for doing so. I could have been that who should enfold her.
I have never been good in showing or even pouring out what my heart's honesty but she has always been so obedient to her emotions that she freely give in to it's desire.
Our distinction.
My weak point.
Her mastery.
Do you remember that night out there in the dark? With the faint moon above us, the scattered stars here and there? When you were there playing tricks on us that we did nothing but cuddle and giggle? In that velvet darkness, I caught a glimpse of her face studying mine and she whispered when I answered her gaze, “I love you...”
For a moment I got so caught up with her beauty. I shook myself as I trembled and with my widened eyes, I winced, “I know.”
My voice shuddered with your comfort.
Those words have been spoken between us a thousand times-- no, a million times before, from our pig-tailed years. When we were chasing kittens. When we were catching butterflies. When we were picking out flowers to put on each other's hair. When we were having pillow fights. Even when we started chasing boys as they chased us. Even when we learned the wonders of make-ups, staying up late, and waking up late. Even when we had our first kisses, first tears-stained pillows, first heart scars.
But the deepest scars had to be inflicted by each other.
Funny, we have been saying those overrated three words to each other for as long as I can remember but always meant what it should mean. Why does love have to be distinct? Has to have that certain level? Certain degree? Certain classification? When all of those just boils down to one thing.
Love.
That's all there is to it and that's all it would ever be.
I love her to every level. To every degree. To every distinction. To ever classifications of love. And that's all there is to it and that's all it would ever be.
And more.
Love.
But did I ever say it the very same way that she did for me?
No, I didn't.
It felt like walking in a landmine when you definitely know one exist. But she did her own suicide when I was too afraid to die on that emotion. Most especially, to die with her...
We dwell on it like it never existed-- like it was never there. Or was it only me? But she just let me be and respected my feelings since she knew me that well. She knew me that well, the same way that I do for her. That's why I know how much it was killing her. It was killing me more.
Did you see that final time she broke down and declared that she could no longer continue living like that? She begged me to just go and leave her alone. I cried and shook my head but I was walking away. I hated myself seeing her on the floor torn with the emotion that she could hardly put those words out of her heart. The words pained me and her tears shattered every bit of what remained in my heart.
I would always recall that scene in my mind to scorn my heart. To tell me the mess I made between us. The mess of not being true to myself. The mess of following what the society dictates when it knows nothing but to direct us to being mechanical fools.
I wouldn't dare ask you if I did right. Of leaving her that night because I was afraid. Because I was afraid of reason. Because I was afraid that I was violating the laws of nature. Because I was afraid to lead her down and drag her deeper into that 'insane consciousness.'
That was what she would call it. Insane consciousness. We would talk about it. We would discuss it and its possibilities and its reasons and its meaninglessness.
Insane consciousness.
“Let there be peace on earth.” she laughed with such sarcasm I have memorized before, “are we destroying that peace, my insane consciousness?”
Were we destroying that peace?
And you are mocking me too now, wind. You are laughing at me the same way that she did. I spun, standing on my toes and skipped gently from end to end. You lead me now, I can feel it. So this is how a bird feels? Spreading her wings and lifelessly letting you take the lead. You bring me forth that I could almost touch the end of the ground and fell on that deep nothingness. How would it feel to have my body fall down that rocky steep and down to that unknown sea?
But then I stopped.
I stopped to feel your kisses and caress. I stopped to feel the familiar pain on my soles from the mockery of the grasses under my feet. I stopped but with arms spread to welcome you to me. I stopped as you continuously tease my dress giving a good distance from my body. I stopped with eyes closed painting a picture of her in my mind.
Every expressions. Every movement. Every smile.
I stopped.
I envy you...
Wherever you go, you will see her and she will feel you.
Whatever you do, she will need you.
Wind, can you do me a favor? Can you make a wish come true? Unlike the stars lately, totally letting their powers subside. I started to doubt stars these days.
But you...
Can I tell you my wish?
One thing, just this one...
bring her to me...
if you do, this I will promise...
I will make history.
No comments:
Post a Comment